Wow. Once in awhile, well okay every day, I have these experiences that really hit home how far I've come.
Tonite I talked to my best friend (well okay, the female one as I also talked to my fave guy friend too) and she had a run-in with a coworker and just wanted to vent. She's a terrific person, but has a hard time struggling with SELF. This coworker of hers just gets under her skin; she's demanding, lazy, bossy and kind of mean. My friend always lets this coworker get under her skin. Anyway, I let her vent. Then I said to her "XXXXX you aren't responsible for what XXXXX thinks, does or feels. You can't MAKE her act any way at all. You treat people with love and respect and you can't demand it from anyone. Besides, you ROCK...you're smart, beautiful, funny, respectful, a true friend, loving and just all-around AWESOME. Why do you need her validation, approval or respect?"
On the other end of the phone I could just hear a deep breath being taken in, sort of in that wavering sort of way like she was holding back tears. Quietly, she replied "Thank you". It was all she needed to hear and have. It really is that simple.
I went on to explain that life is much better when you realize these things. You go out in the world and treat everyone with love and respect, like the everyone in the world is your family. Are you going to get it in return from absolutely everyone? No, you aren't and you shouldn't expect it. But give it out and suddenly it's easy to have a smile on your face.
This was all interesting because someone at work today was marginally frustrating me. Did I get mad? No, I simply went back to my desk and silently blessed her and asked the universe for some clarity to a problem I was having. Then it was back to work, with a smile on my face. Months ago I would have gone outside and walked around the block muttering to myself, went back to my desk and started to look for another job. Drama queen!
Later on I was killing some time before an appointment, and I saw this elderly lady crossing the street. She looked pretty unhappy. As I walked near to her, I smiled broadly and made eye contact with her. She smiled broadly back and nodded to me. I kept on walking and felt SOOOO good. It feels good to just feel good. Really, I feel good MOST of the time.
Heck, come to think of it I have another example today of how far I've come. I asked someone to call me or MSN me, and this person didn't. Instead of being disappointed and well, mad, I busy myself with something else and got distracted. Later on I got an email saying "Hey, I'm off to bed as I have to get up early. *hugs*" Ooooh yeah...cool. A few months ago this incident with this person would have pissed me off or had me "Oh this person doesn't want to talk to me, how rude, boo hoo hoo". Today nothing but a song in my heart. Heck, everyday there is a song in my heart. Put one in yours. Go ahead, I double dog dare ya.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Violence and Sappy Movies
I don't watch much tv. I quit watching the news years ago, because it's all so bad and I just felt terrible after watching it. I still follow US politics (yay, an election year) but I get my fix on ccn.com. I fell out of watching most tv due to my studies, and was finding that I just didn't have the attention span to watch anything where I'd either figure out who-dunnit or the punchline a good half an hour before it was revealed via the plot.
Of course non-of the Masters recommend watching tv because you should be off your ass doing something productive; mainly because it doesn't get one "vibrating" at the right frequency. It's full of negativity, violence, bad news...and here's the thing...it's all external and has nothing to do with you. Why watch any of that and feel bad??
Tonight my family was over for a visit, and Dad of course has to watch the news for the 3rd time today. Brother had to watch the news. The headlines? "Expectant Moms Who Drink Coffee Increase Risk for Miscarriage", "Instead of Planning a Wedding, She's Planning a Funeral", "Stock Market Crashes (OMG THE SKY IS FALLING)". I was so indifferent to it all. I know that sounds callous, but I am. It has nothing to do with me. The family was shocked when I announced the "No more news in my house" rule. I'm the Social Studies major in the house, but those who don't learn from history are destined to repeat it. Nothing has ever been solved by anyone staring at the tv and shaking in their boots from the horror of it all.
Anyway, it all got me thinking. My aversion to violence started 10 years ago when I was pregnant with A. I used to love going to see action movies or thrillers. I loved the shooting, the plots, the angst. I went to see "Face/Off" and was absolutely horrified. Maybe it was the baby inside my body and not being able to handle the scene where a 4 year-old was shot, but I walked out of it and had nightmares for days afterwards. I thought then, and I think now "Is it necessary to be witness to horror, pain, sadness, violence? What good does it serve?"
So yeah, anyway...fast forward to about 9 years later. I find that I just don't watch that stuff anymore, and if I do, I don't enjoy it at all. I remember early on in my relationship with the tall guy I was at his place and we were going to watch a movie. He chose this French film called "Manon of the Spring". It's actually two movies, and the basic premise is that this city family moves to the country to take over a flourishing vineyard from a family member that had passed on. The thing is that there was this spring that flowed through the property that was coveted by a neighbour--a greedy neighbour. So he damned up the spring so he could get all the water. The city man tried to bring this vineyard back to it's glory, but alas he could not. He ends up killing himself. In the second movie, the greedy neighbour falls in love with is daughter, but she finds out that he was the one who "killed" her father. There's this scene where the lovesick neighbour is chasing her up a hill shouting "Manon! Manon! J'Taime! J'Taime!". He of course regretted what he had done because he loved her so, but she was too heartbroken and betrayed to hear him out.
I remember thinking that because the tall guy is such a GUY he would want to watch something like, I dunno, Armegeddon. Sure he watches that stuff once in awhile, but he LOVED that movie. I remember during that hill scene, I was saying "He got what he deserved" and the tall guy was saying "I feel sorry for him, he loves her so much and there is nothing he would be able to do make it right and his heartsickness is his penance" or something to that effect.
So what did that teach me? Well, not to make assumptions about anyone (tall guy loves sappy well-acted and well-written movies), and that although the greedy neighbour created his world, there is always room in this world for love and forgiveness.
You don't need to watch violence and suffering to be entertained. I learned that that day too.
Of course non-of the Masters recommend watching tv because you should be off your ass doing something productive; mainly because it doesn't get one "vibrating" at the right frequency. It's full of negativity, violence, bad news...and here's the thing...it's all external and has nothing to do with you. Why watch any of that and feel bad??
Tonight my family was over for a visit, and Dad of course has to watch the news for the 3rd time today. Brother had to watch the news. The headlines? "Expectant Moms Who Drink Coffee Increase Risk for Miscarriage", "Instead of Planning a Wedding, She's Planning a Funeral", "Stock Market Crashes (OMG THE SKY IS FALLING)". I was so indifferent to it all. I know that sounds callous, but I am. It has nothing to do with me. The family was shocked when I announced the "No more news in my house" rule. I'm the Social Studies major in the house, but those who don't learn from history are destined to repeat it. Nothing has ever been solved by anyone staring at the tv and shaking in their boots from the horror of it all.
Anyway, it all got me thinking. My aversion to violence started 10 years ago when I was pregnant with A. I used to love going to see action movies or thrillers. I loved the shooting, the plots, the angst. I went to see "Face/Off" and was absolutely horrified. Maybe it was the baby inside my body and not being able to handle the scene where a 4 year-old was shot, but I walked out of it and had nightmares for days afterwards. I thought then, and I think now "Is it necessary to be witness to horror, pain, sadness, violence? What good does it serve?"
So yeah, anyway...fast forward to about 9 years later. I find that I just don't watch that stuff anymore, and if I do, I don't enjoy it at all. I remember early on in my relationship with the tall guy I was at his place and we were going to watch a movie. He chose this French film called "Manon of the Spring". It's actually two movies, and the basic premise is that this city family moves to the country to take over a flourishing vineyard from a family member that had passed on. The thing is that there was this spring that flowed through the property that was coveted by a neighbour--a greedy neighbour. So he damned up the spring so he could get all the water. The city man tried to bring this vineyard back to it's glory, but alas he could not. He ends up killing himself. In the second movie, the greedy neighbour falls in love with is daughter, but she finds out that he was the one who "killed" her father. There's this scene where the lovesick neighbour is chasing her up a hill shouting "Manon! Manon! J'Taime! J'Taime!". He of course regretted what he had done because he loved her so, but she was too heartbroken and betrayed to hear him out.
I remember thinking that because the tall guy is such a GUY he would want to watch something like, I dunno, Armegeddon. Sure he watches that stuff once in awhile, but he LOVED that movie. I remember during that hill scene, I was saying "He got what he deserved" and the tall guy was saying "I feel sorry for him, he loves her so much and there is nothing he would be able to do make it right and his heartsickness is his penance" or something to that effect.
So what did that teach me? Well, not to make assumptions about anyone (tall guy loves sappy well-acted and well-written movies), and that although the greedy neighbour created his world, there is always room in this world for love and forgiveness.
You don't need to watch violence and suffering to be entertained. I learned that that day too.
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