Love

I love telling people I love them. I get all sorts of reactions.

"Um, thanks"

"Run away"

"Wow, awesome"

"I love you too"

The thing is, I love everyone and everything. I feel like I'm constantly running in slow motions through a field of daisies. Heh.

This sort of bliss is awesome, and it's brought to me and EVERYONE out there by the natural laws of the universe.

I find inspiration in the strangest places. Tonight I watched the only show I watch with any regularity: The Amazing Race. There's this one team who just couldn't catch a break and they never gave up. The man, Jason, was so supportive of his girlfriend, Lorena who had a tendency to melt down. So they were in last place, and then had to go and redo a task because another team forced them to (a strategy of the game). They NEVER gave up, but the last scene was the two of them going to the "pit stop" knowing they were last and they STILL never gave up. But it was the way they supported each other and the way they looked at each other that was unforgettable. Frankly, it brought a tear to my eye.

In my life improvement studies I keep coming across this concept of love. It's pretty much the basis for all life. It's not defined by romance, rather a purity of heart -- a goodness if you will. I absolutely and emphatically view everything and everyone with this purity of heart --this love. It was so AWESOME to see it in a tv show, and a reality one at that.

Go on, love. It's awesome.

Hmmm...That's Strange

So...I'm cranky today. I didn't wake up cranky. I didn't go to sleep cranky.

I woke up early and pretty much got my clothes on to fulfill my committment to my mother to clean out some of A's toys from her house. It really wasn't that big of a task and the bonus was that I got a bowl of Mom's oatmeal, a couple of pots of coffee, and a visit with a friend out of the deal. So that didn't make me cranky.

The crankiness only evolved around 3 pm when no-one called me to go out tonight. So I justified it by saying "Well, I don't want to go out anyway". I do, actually, but only if a magic Genie appears to do my hair, give me some nice clothes, and drive my ass there. So that didn't make me cranky, really.

Besides, I enjoyed 3 bottles of nice Merlot with my neighbour and got kinda snackered (oh yeah, and had violate the email and Merlot rule).

Getting home, I did some laundry, had a bath and a nap, and then cleaned some more. That didn't make me cranky, either.

So what did

I know. I'm alone today. I've been such a good girl wishing for stuff, being positive, happy, spreading love and joy and I feel like I have none today. So that made me cranky.

I'm frustrated that despite the results all around me, things just aren't going my way, DAMMIT!

Then I read E's blog. It was very much a "Woah" moment for me. Sure things are going swimminly for her, but really, it's the changes in her attitude and outlook that have brought those on. Those "rewards" as they are, didn't happen overnight. She at one point almost lost it all in a tough moment. So there's my inspiration...suddenly I'm not so cranky.

Mmmm...perpective....

Yesterday an Extraordinary Day - More LOA at work

A year ago I would have said that yesterday was just a fluke of nature. Of course, I now know it isn't a fluke (there are NO COINCIDENCES), and that I created yesterday but how I think and what I do.

It was an ordinary-for-me day, with the exception of being annoyed at someone. I kept saying "You aren't responsible for what X does, thinks or feels" over and over again. I was still annoyed. So I wrote X an email. Not a bad one, but just telling X how I was feeling. A few minutes after writing it, I not only didn't feel better for "getting that off my chest", I felt worse because now I felt guilty. So then I'm thinking to myself "Idiot! Gawd!". So I wrote another one. Okay, now I feel better. Okay not really because now I'm like "Haven't you learned ANYTHING from this LOA stuff! OMG! Idiot! Gawd!" *sigh* Oh well, you can't retract emails yet. I'm human and not Budda, eh?

So I shook it off and thought "Get back on track". So I did. I did a mini-meditate and re-focused.

Later I was coming back from lunch with a few of the women in my office. When we walked into the lobby, there was a handicapped person sitting with his mom or caregiver. "Hi!", he said emphatically to everyone as they walked by. "Um, hi", they all muttered one by one as they walked past him, picking up the pace of their steps to get to the elevator faster. "Hey buddy, how are ya?" I said as I approached him. "FINEJUSTFINEPRETTYLADY", he shouts, happy to have someone acknowledge him. I leaned down, held up my hand in a "High five", which he slapped immediately. I said to him "You have yourself a wonderful day, bud!" He said "I will". I looked back to wave and saw the look on his caregiver's face. She had tears in her eyes and she whispered "Thank you".

The thing is, I treat absolutely everyone like that, and have for years. Everyone deserves basic respect, and besides, it feels good to spread good. It just does.

Later on I was at McDonald's waiting for my food, and I was feeling amazing...very joyful. I know I was standing there with a silly grin on my face, just happy and at peace. I had not a thought in my head. I sort of snapped out of that moment, still feeling joyful and I looked around and absolutely everyone in that place was smiling back at me. That made me smile MORE. My food arrived and I skipped out of there. What a feeling!

After dinner my daughter decided to just "hang out" in her room, so I asked her if it was okay if I went and did my meditations. She replied it was okay. 20 minutes later I was in my zone, and my daughter comes into my room, bawling hysterically! I pulled out my earbuds and said "Oh my God, are you alright?" She's stammering, "Mom, don't be mad at me, it was an accident, don't be mad at me". I said "What happened?" She said "I was cleaning up my room, and had some stuff and there was a glass on my tv, and I knocked it over and the water spilled on my tv and the screen went blank and there's glass all over". I calmly asked her again if she was hurt. She said "No, but my tv blew up" and then she started to sob. I just held her for a minute, then thought I'd assess the damage.

I went in and there was water dripping from the back. The cable was disconnected from the tv and there was water dripping from the back. I calmly unplugged it and began to clean the mess. I explained to A that it's only a tv and that no-one got hurt. We would see about replacing it in the New Year IF it doesn't work after drying out. She says "You aren't mad?" I said "No, not at all, things happen". She was like, "Wow". I can see why, a few months ago I would have freaked out. A lot of good that would have done.

Then some more GOOD things happened after that.

Again it FEELS GOOD to FEEL GOOD. To BE good. To spread GOOD. It's ALL GOOD.

The LOA at Work

One year ago almost to the day I hit rock bottom. I hated my job, had just been dumped by my boyfriend (for seemingly no reason, though it's crystal clear to me today), was in near financial ruin (condo close to foreclosure, car re-possessed, not a dime for food), felt like the world was out to get me, and that no-one cared if I lived or died. I got so deep down that I had custody papers drafted and was going to give custody of my child to my parents and drive until I couldn't drive anymore. I couldn't because I was paralyzed and had come down with a "mystery" illness that had me bed-ridden.

I begged the cosmos for a break. I need money! I need love! I need relief! Down on my hands and knees and begged for relief. "I'm a good person, I don't deserve this", I said to no-one.

After begging provided me with no results, I thought I'd try something different. "Hey!" I thought to myself "Let's think about HOW we got here and HOW we can fix it". So I took responsibility for the finances first. My living beyond my means got me there. I had totally underestimated how much homeownership cost. How could I fix that? I didn't have a clue, but what I did do is look up to the cosmos and simply asked "I need some ideas on how to attract money into my life". Simple, no begging, no dwelling on the debt (I had enough of that, I certainly didn't need any more).

A few weeks later I got a call from the bank. You know, that annual "Can we sell you RRSP's?" call. I had just returned from my mother's house where I basically was freaking out about my money situation because it had taken a turn for the worst (I wasn't going to make my mortgage payment). Anyway, irritated I explained to the bank person that I had RRSP's from payroll deduction, that it was already 10% of my income I couldn't afford and that I was frankly quite tired of anyone asking for more money I didn't have.

She of course wanted to end the conversation, but the consummate professional she was she said "Is there any other services the Big Blue Bank can offer to you at this time?" as her exit to end the conversation. I said "Yeah, you can give me $100,000". She said "Oh, I might be able to do that, do you own your own home?" I said I did (thinking "For the time being"). She asked me when I purchased, and I replied, "Right before the prices went completely bezerk, Dec 2005". She says "Ooooh, that's good". Anyway, she asked me some particulars about where I lived, how much I paid, the market value, etc. The long and the short of it is that at that time I had $100,000 in equity in my place (more now). I got a line of credit and "Presto" my financial problems were solved.

Of course I didn't connect the dots back then, but let's just say that I was mighty impressed with the cosmos at that moment.

Once the financial stress had been lifted, I suddenly started to FEEL better. Sure I had some of the same ole stresses ("Oh why doesn't he love me, he's an idiot, come back to me, etc", and the job still sucked).

I started to realize that the job market was very good and that I didn't need to be there. I didn't bail on the job sooner because I felt like I was committed to it in a few ways, and wanted to make sure that I had given it my best shot. I basically had one foot out the door in that I knew what was out there, and knew I could get another job (with more pay) in a matter of days or hours even. That gave me INSTANT relief. Fast forward two months beyond that -- upon requesting three weeks off in July-August to go on a camping trip meticulously planned (3 people's "dream" camping trip) I was refused. Irritated I walked back to my office and then a thought popped into my head "Hey, I don't NEED this job", so I walked back downstairs and said "I quit. I'm giving you three months' notice, but I quit".

Later on it dawned on me that between bonuses and the 6 weeks' vacation payout I wouldn't need to work the SUMMER. So I didn't. I took from June 15th to September 6th off. I was commended for my bravery, but the reality is that all it took was believing in myself, standing my ground, asking for what I wanted and GETTING IT.

The point of all of this is that had I continued to wallow in my grief, stress, lack, hate, etc I would have gotten more of the same. I would have probably had lost my condo, been fired from my job, lost custody of my kid through just being a miserable person unable to cope, and I would have had no joy or love in my life.

So things were going my way, but I still had a lot of stress, doubt and fear and just didn't want to feel like that anymore. I found a better way, and I can say I have almost no stress, certainly no doubts in myself, and virtually no fear. There is nothing I cannot do, cannot have or cannot experience.

I know now that what I did that late night back in November of 2006 is I simply asked, believed it was going to happen and I let it happen. It was not the first time (looking back) and is NOT the last time. It was the power of the Law of Attraction and it's present in my life every day.

Hanging on to that Crappy Old Sweater

The other night I had yet another conversation with one of "the resistors" in my life. Every time we encounter each other on MSN after the usual pleasantries, we go straight into a conversation that starts off with one thing and always ends up in a discussion about my personal development. He calls it "Pollyanna".

Before I begin, let's get one thing straight, I'm all about educating (none of this is a secret and shouldn't be treated as such), but I'm not about changing minds. Were I to have that power, I would have used it all on another person months ago (hahahhaaaa). But really, we all have free will and we are allowed to think, speak and act as we see fit. Is it always good for us? No, but we have free will and nothing or no one can take that from us.

I love G, I really do. He's a smart, smart-assed, everybody's favourite grouch. He's been through a lot, and I'd like to see him truly happy. So knowing he's a cynic and can easily find the bad in the world, I thought I'd share with him what I've discovered and maybe, just maybe, he can find the happiness he deserves.

Sometimes I think he's just testing my strength of conviction, but he basically challenges what I have to say at each step. If I say the world is in abundance, he says it's in lack. He points to empirical evidence, I point to an equal amount of evidence for my side.

Anyway, the other night I got offended when he called the LOA "Pollyanna" thinking. I mean REALLY offended. I told him as much, and he cleared the air. I get offline and go read that getting offended is actually just a form of resistance and my ego talking. DOH! Haha

The bottom line is that I see results of this every single day. I have enough empirical evidence to continue down this path, but I want everyone I know to experience what I am too! We can all feel this good; life can be THIS good! Really. I know it. I believe.

I know deep down in my heart that I can extol the virtues of this to absolutely everyone, and the vast majority of them are going to reject it. I don't get it, since my immediate reaction to "The Secret" was "Well, this could be hocus-pocus, but at least I'll FEEL better". K, I not only FEEL better, I LIVE better. I BE better.

I've come to learn that people wear their misery, baggage, old habits that don't work for them, their shit, just the CRAP like that old ratty sweater Grandma knitted them 2o years ago. It's ugly, it smells, it doesn't keep you warm, but you keep on wearing it because it's familiar and brings you comfort. I know because I did it for 39 years almost to the day. I still hang on to some of that old crap because it's what I know. Thing is, is when I wear it, it FEELS crappy, old and stinky. It's opposite to everything else I feel 99% of the time that feels good and brings so much GOOD into my life (great job, great kid, great friends, great ideas, money, love, etc).

We just don't WANT to change because it's HARD to change. It's not familiar and it's not comfortable. Well I'm hear to tell you that that crap you carry, it ISN'T you. YOU are buried under that stuff begging to be relieved of it all. There IS a better way of living, there really is. The world can be seen with different eyes...and should you choose to change you will see the love, beauty, joy and abundance in it. Really.

I want that for everyone I know. If I could give but one gift this holiday season, it would be the that.

The Witness to Resistance

I've just read something pretty interesting.

It was about resistance, you know, those nasty feelings you get "No one loves me, I can't do that, I'm so mad" and so on.

So while on my journey of personal growth, I'm kind of expecting things to just disappear, and have tried a few strategies to help these things just "go away" and was meeting with limited or no success at all. I've had a big major thing in my life that has been nattering away at me for a year now. It's constant and frankly quite annoying. I want it to go away!

Anyway, this thing I read said to just be a witness to any resistance you feel. Witness. That's right, just look at it with curiosity. What's going on in your body, what's going on in your mind, what's going on around you. Witness. That's it. And it's just supposed to go away.

Okay, so I tried it. And while it's odd (I've employed the visual of the labcoat-wearing scientist looking at something), it works. I'm gonna have to keep you posted. This is very interesting indeed.

The Secrets of the Universe

Now I know that some people think I've fallen out of a tree, and some days I certainly feel like I have.

In May a good friend introducted me to "The Secret" and it's changed my life.

I tried to apply some of the principles on my own, and met with limited success. In September after hours of online research, I found a program that was affordable and no bs from one of the Masters of "The Secret", Bob Doyle. A few weeks later I found some meditation software from another Master, Bill Harris. The two combined have changed my life and I'll talk about it more in blogs to come.

I just have to say that Rome wasn't built in a day, therefore nearly 40 years of conditioning isn't going to change overnight. I've been quite patient knowing this for the past two months, with the exception of this weekend. I got derailed, and got derailed big time.

Well okay, not derailed. I'm a human being -- a spiritual one, who lives a physical existence. Therefore, I'm going to suffer ups and downs as part of the human condition. I basically just felt frustrated because no one was around for me this weekend. I felt like I was Plan B. Now maybe some people DO view me as Plan B and that I'm not important to them. That's part of their experience, and I'm in no way, shape or form responsible for it. I AM responsible for what I've created by past thoughts, words and actions. I therefore had to take ultimate responsiblity for creating that, and take the lesson in feeling that way. So what do I do now? I believe that I am worthy of love, respect, kindness and consideration and govern myself treating others the same way. Like attracts like.